"If I had a banana, I would carry it in my pocket."

"If I had a banana, I would carry it in my pocket."

Jean-Claude, god damn, you’re a pervy old bastard.

The kicking, punching, and split-doing mofo who starred in family classics such as Bloodsport and Kickboxer recently got creepy with a 22-year-old Newsweek reporter during a phone interview.

When reporter Sarah Ball asked Van Damme about his new “biopic” movie, JCVD, and what it was like to open up about his life, he said: “I really opened myself up in JCVD. I peeled back the skin of the fruit, cut the pulp and then took that very hard seed. In this film I cut that hard seed, and inside that seed was a kind of liquid cream substance of the man I am, or the woman you are.”

She thought about what to say next, but all she could come up with was “OK.” Then he took the cake, stating: “It was like being naked — I would love to be naked in front of you.”

Nobody wants to see that, JCVD. My friend’s mothers probably wanted to see him naked way back in the day, but that time has passed, dude.

For the rest of the creepy-ass interview with a quagmire, go on over to popeater.com.